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[ARCHIVE] #003 - Untitled

Part 1

It was a misty day. Not at all the weather you would’ve picked to celebrate a wedding. A bunch of little children –approximately four, maybe five years old- was running and playing around a beautiful black and white ornate carriage, giggling loudly and pointing at the beautiful horses, while the union between two beloveds was held inside the massive baroque church. A tall man, dressed in an elegant black suit and red tie was keeping a close watch on the group of Lilliputians, when suddenly his superior called him through his earpiece.

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Current Mood: confused

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[ARCHIVE] #002

Archives from leelath.livejournal.com

O.O.B.E. #001

O.O.B.E. meaning out-of-body experience. I can't really explain this post any other way. I have no idea why I started writing this. Maybe I really have some serious problems xD

~~Don't judge me -you'd just be proving my point.~~

If you were hearing voices, would you ever consider admitting it to your family? Friends? Anyone?
I have. Considered it, that is. Society tells you that no matter what, they will understand you. But would they really? Think about it.

The truth is, you're alone. Or at least, you wish you were, because those voices can't seem to shut up. They're driving you crazy, and you can feel yourself slowly slipping away. Keeping it to yourself isn't too hard. Easier than facing rejection by your loved ones, if you have any left. Because slowly, you'll start isolating yourself from the rest of the world. Why? Because after some time, it feels like no one understands you better than those voices, and eventually you'll think they're all you really need. They comfort you when no one else does, and you start wondering why you complained about them in the first place. You'll start feeling comfortable, too comfortable, and soon, without really knowing when exactly it all started, you'll be answering. Tentatively at first, but more confidently as time passes. Nicknames are just around the corner.
Until you get caught, whether by your mother who happened to pass by your room at that exact moment, or by a friend wondering who you're whispering to during class.
That's when things get out of hand. That's when they realize you weren't joking around. That's when they finally want to help you out, some of them. But it's too late. Because you no longer want, need their help. You're happy the way things are, the way things turned out. And they don't, won't understand. You realize once again, that no one, not a single person, understands you the way they do. You know, deep inside of you, that this is what science defines as insanity. You don't even mind, if insanity means being understood and accepted just the way you are. They've never judged you, looked down upon you, disrespected you. Unlike everyone else.
You tell them it's over, that you don't hear them anymore. And surprisingly, they believe you. Because it's easier. No matter how many times you've told yourself that you don't need them anymore, it still hurts to know how willingly they accept your denial. You hurt so much, and they console you. With words. But where is the warmth in that, you wonder. You're becoming selfish, you have to admit. You're no longer satisfied with just words, even though they're all you have left. Everyone else has turned on you. Slowly, the pain becomes unbearable, and you seek an outlet. They understand you, and support you, when you find what you've been looking for. They're with you when the darkness engulfs you bit by bit, cooing with soothing words.
And then everything ends.

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[ARCHIVE] #001

Archived from leelath.livejournal.com

[RAMBLING] Just let go

Every single decision that was made, would eventually lead to this.

I'm tired.

Tired of bending to everyone's will but my own.

I tried pushing it off, the exhaustion.

I really don't want to hurt anyone, I just end up hurting myself.

I feel now that for once, I should be selfish.

The decisions, made by so many different people.

This time it's ME.

A life-changing decision, hopefully.

Because it is my life.

My life they tried to control.

I have to admit, they succeeded.

Up until now.

I'm taking back control now.

The "auto-pilot" has done too much damage already.

Even now they try to control me.

I can hear their voices.

But I won't let them. Not anymore.

People will get hurt in the process.

Actually no, just their pride will get a blow.

It sounds naive but... haven't they hurt me first?

I don't care about what they think anymore.

It's never good enough anyway.

Nothing is.

Strangely, I feel their control flooding back to me.

But I don't have to justify myself.

There's really no need for justification.

Let go off me.

Just let go.

They won't mind after a while.

I'm sure they won't.

I can feel the pressure building inside of me.

My brain, my heart, my stomach, even my lungs.

I can't breathe.

I feel distressed.

I'm paranoid.

Exhausted.

I realize now that not a single person, not even one, knows who I really am.

Do I even know?

No one cares enough to see past the mask I hide behind.

I'm pathetic.

I don't make any sense.

But it all makes sense to me.

Help.

But it's too late for that now.

Things would have turned out differently.

I think.

I hope...